It's true that you need forgiveness. What you did was terrible. They put people to death in some countries for that. This is a very serious thing. Once he forgives you, only then can you begin to forgive yourself.
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This post tells us everything we need to know... This is your first rodeo, but yes, this is the reaction your should expect because you know what you did was horrific, but you really don't want to rock the boat.
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You are not really afraid of hurting him, you already did that, you are afraid of the consequences that you may face if you are honest with him.
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