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Think about it...you are admitting to him that you lied and cheated. So his idea of you always being truthful to him is going to fall apart. Everything he has heard you tell him will become in question. Don't make him feel wrong to question other things. Don't be defensive of what you know on your end were truths even if he challenges them. He will take that as more indication of lies. Instead, tell him that you fully understand that knowing this may make him question other things, and that those are fair questions and that you will answer them now, and as they come up into his mind going forward. But also tell him that it's because of your understanding that this betrayal will put your truthfulness to the test that you wanted to come out clean now with the complete and unfiltered truth...so that you could start regaining his trust from the ground up. That is why telling him is so important. It means you get to start the rebuilding of trust with a bit of truth capital in the bank having told him something important that he wouldn't otherwise have known. That will give some starting assurance that allowing himself to trust you again is a real possibility. see the review

That is a starting point that is LOADS better than the day years from now that he eventually finds out. In that situation he would have no reason at all to believe a word you said. He would question everything in the same manner, but your answers would be hard to believe because he will have not have saw action to be truthful on your part at all. The hill will be tremendously higher for you. see the review

This is why I say the action damaging and causing hurt is past tense...now it is just about riding out the consequences of those actions. That's why we are here to try and set you up for success best you can. It's not going to be easy and it may mean he decides to leave. But if you love him like you say, that's a choice you should be willing to allow him. To not do so is being controlling. Manipulating an outcome to your own personal advantage to avoid consequences of your actions, instead of doing what is fair for someone else. see the review

One note on the above points from GoldenR...write the NC letter with your fiance together. Don't go off and do that on your own. This isn't a time for any sort of explanation or closure to your OM. This isn't about giving the OM context as to why you can't speak so that he understands and doesn't wonder where you went. This is completely about your fiance and making HIM feel safe and no one else no matter what their perception. The reason I say to include your fiance is because that NS communication could also be seen as yet another betrayal without his involvement. Once you let your fiance know, it's about letting him be in control of the outcome and doing everything he needs to feel safe again. see the review

Good luck, and let us know how it goes. We are here to help each step of the way. see the review

The majority of people commenting here are Betrayed Spouses (that is what they call themselves). The most angry with you and virulent about how important your immediate confession is, are the ones who were most hurt by whoever and whatever happened in THEIR lives. They have their own agenda, it has nothing to do with you, your situation, your relationship and your baby. see the review

Easy to say when valid points can't really be discounted. see the review